THIS BULLET’S HEADING THE OTHER WAY

I have thrown up a total of four times this year. Two of the times came courtesy of a stomach bug, one came after a fateful encounter with Ghengis Grill, and the final time happened when I heard Kid Cudi’s new album, “Speedin Bullet 2 Heaven.” For those unfamiliar with Cudi’s music, he’s made a name for himself with his unique “emo hip-hop” style. He’s certainly been a polarizing figure in the rap game, but I myself have always fallen somewhere in the middle. I enjoyed his debut record, and the follow up had some fantastic singles, but his third studio album, “Indicud,” was an absolute disaster. I assumed that “Indicud” was the lowest point in his discography, but Cudi has pulled through very successfully in not only making his worst record yet, but possibly the worst album all year.

Any fans of his music that approach this album will probably be wondering where the rapping is. It is not here. Kid Cudi is attempting to break through with a “punk” (and I use punk in the absolute loosest way possible) record, and good lord is it a disaster. For those that play guitar, do you remember the awkward phase when all you really could play were power chords; when G, C, and D were your best friends? Cudi is still in that phase apparently, because every track without fail will begin with a riff that is some variation on the aforementioned pattern. It becomes so insanely monotonous that he has to spice it up with the best vocal stylings that he could pull off. These include the grunt, the moan, the (attempted) yowl, but most frequently we hear the drone. If that wasn’t enough, Kid Cudi took it upon himself to end some tracks with a skit performed by none other than Mike Judge as Beavis and Butthead. Beavis and Butthead appear on this record. They beg for more punk rock from master Kid Cudi. I beg for mercy from this endless pain. But oh no, we aren’t even halfway done. “Speedin Bullet 2 Heaven” is a double album. The second disc is comprised of even more painful demos by the artist. I couldn’t even finish the demos, which are marred by a very intentional attempt at being lo-fi, even more rudimentary “punk” sounding instrumentals, and Kid Cudi’s god-awful singing voice.

I am embarrassed for the artist because he thought that this album was a good idea. My lack of tracks to mention simply comes from the fact that they are all absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, horrible. This amalgamation of forced edginess, painful instrumentation, and unlistenable vocals make this the worst record that I’ve heard, beyond the shadow of a doubt. Kid Cudi is not heading anywhere near heaven if he’s gonna make us suffer through hell.