EDITORIAL: RED DEATH

Coming hot off the heels of a holiday that embodies gluttony quite well–Thanksgiving–and one where we act like children–Halloween–my food preferences become more and more apparent in my head. Besides the disgusting creation that is Deviled Eggs, I also find myself frequently appalled by Twizzlers, a popular red licorice candy. These satanic cherry-flavored ropes have absolutely nothing to offer to candy connoisseurs and have some of the least appetizing qualities in any food. For one, their consistency is absolutely awful. They powder in your mouth like TUMS, but their sticky licorice chemical makeup makes little bits of this nasty creation become a horrid pile of mush in your mouth, but that isn’t even the worst part. The worst part is that lingering flavor. It’s a cross between plain licorice, something disgusting in itself, and cherry flavored cough syrup. The taste pervades your mouth with its rather dull presence. Dull tasting foods are the worst, because if the dull taste is gross, then you’re caught with a plain mush consistency that only vaguely tastes like something that you hate. It’s sort of like being plagued with a continuous dull pain all of your life that is not debilitating and serves only to make you suffer eternally, which is exactly what I do at the hands of Twizzlers. The most shameful part of the equation is that Hershey produces them. Hershey is a supposedly reputable candy manufacturer, but I’m thinking twice about their practices now in the wake of their decision to administer this abomination to the unsuspecting public. And also, the Nibs aren’t good either. Don’t try and tell me that I need to eat the Nibs and that they’ll make me enjoy them because 1.) No they will not, and 2.) You’re an idiot. In conclusion, we need to stop pretending like Twizzlers are anything other than a stupid excuse for candy.