DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU

R. Henson

R. Henson

Rowdy Henson, News Writer

YOU! Yeah, YOU! Have you noticed that you are slacking in areas such as romance, parkour, writing, and skiing? If so, then I want you to drop what you are holding and sprint Naruto-Style down to Mr. Peace’s room and ask how to get your hands on the 2018 yearbook. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be a loser forever?” Of course you don’t! The only way to ensure that you don’t remain a bum living with your parents is to buy this year’s edition of “The Legacy.”

I have knowledge of TOP SECRET information about this book, and let me tell you: it is a life changer, a miracle-arranger even. It is definitely the greatest yearbook that you could ever hope to own. As your peer, your friend, and as a self-proclaimed bonafide expert in the field of psychology, I, Rowdy Henson, do solemnly swear that not buying this yearbook will be the greatest mistake of your life.

You may know a guy by the name of Jacob Hanshaw, who is my colleague in Journalism. That guy is a total loser for one reason. He never bought a yearbook.  I asked him how he was doing now that he is a bum, and he replied, “My life has been in a downward spiral ever since I neglected to buy a yearbook!”  Living a life depriving himself of the potential for success, he is now a stay-at-home son who will never amount to anything because he never bought a Heritage High School yearbook. Ask him, and he will tell you.

I care about you, and that is why I am saying these harsh things. I want you all to have a joyous and prosperous life. Don’t end up like that bum Jacob Hanshaw. Please don’t waste your potential by being complacent. Think about your future, and GO BUY A YEARBOOK!