R. Henson

R. Henson

Rowdy Henson, News Writer

YOU! Yeah, YOU! Have you noticed that you are slacking in areas such as romance, parkour, writing, and skiing? If so, then I want you to drop what you are holding and sprint Naruto-Style down to Mr. Peace’s room and ask how to get your hands on the 2018 yearbook. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be a loser forever?” Of course you don’t! The only way to ensure that you don’t remain a bum living with your parents is to buy this year’s edition of “The Legacy.”

I have knowledge of TOP SECRET information about this book, and let me tell you: it is a life changer, a miracle-arranger even. It is definitely the greatest yearbook that you could ever hope to own. As your peer, your friend, and as a self-proclaimed bonafide expert in the field of psychology, I, Rowdy Henson, do solemnly swear that not buying this yearbook will be the greatest mistake of your life.

You may know a guy by the name of Jacob Hanshaw, who is my colleague in Journalism. That guy is a total loser for one reason. He never bought a yearbook.  I asked him how he was doing now that he is a bum, and he replied, “My life has been in a downward spiral ever since I neglected to buy a yearbook!”  Living a life depriving himself of the potential for success, he is now a stay-at-home son who will never amount to anything because he never bought a Heritage High School yearbook. Ask him, and he will tell you.

I care about you, and that is why I am saying these harsh things. I want you all to have a joyous and prosperous life. Don’t end up like that bum Jacob Hanshaw. Please don’t waste your potential by being complacent. Think about your future, and GO BUY A YEARBOOK!