ONE MORE STEP

I suppose these are the final days for me in all of public education. It’s kind of odd. Legally, I’m not yet an adult, and I certainly don’t feel like one mentally. Living on my own, making my own decisions, and just stepping into the real world excites me, but at the same time, I’m terrified. This is something I’ve been waiting for since I was thirteen. I always dreamed of going off on my own and working toward the comfortable life I had planned out in my head. However, now that the time’s here―or almost here―I feel like I’m not ready. There’s comfort in this routine I’ve been keeping up since kindergarten. There’s a comfort in knowing your parents have your back and can easily pick up after your mistakes. There’s just comfort in being a kid. Maybe college won’t be that different, or maybe it’ll be easy to adjust to. I don’t really know. It’s scary.

Still, a part of me can’t help but think it’s all so amazing. Like I said, this is something I’ve been wanting for about four years. I’ve always been pretty independent, or at least, that’s what my parents say. I want a space to make my own and a new routine that I can manipulate more easily. I want to replace everything in my wardrobe and start dressing to my style. I want to work and have money that I earned and not just my parents’. I know this will all take a lot of time and effort, but I want to do it. My goals and aspirations have always been humble, not just because I don’t want a lavish, overblown life, but also because I want to work and make it real on my own.

I guess I’ve been a lucky kid. I never really had to struggle or fight for something unless I stepped out of my bubble and chose to. My parents say they’ll always have my back, and I’m really grateful for that. However, I don’t want them, or anyone else for that matter, to hand me anything. I’m pretty weird in that way. I don’t really know how else to explain these feelings for the future. Still―whether I’m ready or not, whether I’ll like it or not, whether things will go how I want them to or not―I will have to keep growing and living.