DON’T ASK ME TO GET COFFEE

I hate coffee. The stuff is gross, and I can’t see why people drink it religiously these days. However, it seems that at this point I go to a coffee shop on the daily, so maybe I sound like the world’s biggest hypocrite. To be fair, I don’t drink coffee there. I drink smoothies and other frozen drinks. When it gets cold, I might venture into some delicious hot drinks, but definitely not coffee. My friends still try to get me to taste their disgusting cups of the gross liquid, and I have tried a small sip a time or two just to amuse their, tiny, coffee-loving souls.

I hate the smell of it too. Surprisingly, I can’t smell it at the coffee shop I go to, partially because I can’t smell much and partially because I don’t think the smell is overwhelming there. Then there’s the way it makes your breath smell; it’s repulsive. Most of all, I hate the harsh taste of it. The only thing I like about it is the whipped cream on top, if it even has it. If it doesn’t have whipped cream, it belongs down the drain, but no offense to the drain. All jokes aside, I’m just not a coffee person. It’s just not my thing.

The reason why I have such a strong refusal to coffee is because I grew up with my mom telling me I wouldn’t like virtually anything that’s unhealthy. I guess her plan didn’t work very well because I eat more junk than anyone I know. I’ve had days before when I only eat candy. My diet mainly consisted of chicken, bread, and cheese, but don’t forget bacon because I seemingly top everything off with it. Hats off to my mother for trying, but her diet plan for me failed epically.