Is This All a Simulation?

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R. Jarman

Rachael Jarman, Staff Writer

I have been in deep thought about something lately, and it’s kind of crazy to think about. People have theories and predictions about the world, but you really never know what the truth is about it. We are used to living the way we always have and knowing we have a government and that we’re on a planet that is just rotating in space. The question is, though: Could we be in a simulation? I started thinking about this because of a relatively recent experience of mine.

I had dissociation for a little over a year. If that doesn’t sound familiar, it is an experience as a form of anxiety, caused from something intense someone has gone through or, in other words, trauma. I lived with dissociation for a very, very long time, and it would go away for a few hours but then come right back. It made me feel very uneasy, and not myself. I could not remember things well but not be sure if they actually happened. My memories didn’t feel like my own, and neither did my body or my life. It was as if I was watching everything go on around me, but I wasn’t there. I could not connect to reality, and my relationships with the important people in my life didn’t feel the same anymore. It was as if there was a clear glass keeping me from connecting to anything and feeling like I was actually real and here. I did not feel myself, as if my mind was floating above my body and I could not come back to the real me. If I would look in the mirror, I could barely even recognize myself; it was like I was looking at a completely different person in the glass, resulting in me being frightened by the sight. Even when I would speak, I felt as if I was the observer, listening to my voice, but not me being the one controlling it. It started to get worse over time. I was completely numb. 

After this had gone on for a little bit, me being unaware of what was going on with me, I did some research. I came to find out about this “dissociation” thing, and it all began to make sense, but I didn’t like it. Not at all. But since I found out that I wasn’t going crazy, and I wasn’t the only one, I was quite relieved. I also watched videos on YouTube of people that have experienced the same to make myself feel better about it. It helped a little, but it was always still there.

A year and a half later, after my first episode, my dissociation finally left to say goodbye. THANK GOODNESS. It had affected my life and mood tremendously, and I was so glad it was gone. I was scared at first that it would come back, but it never did. My life is finally back to normal, and I am more than extremely relieved that I am back to myself.