InTERRYgation: Chronicles of Despair

The best InTERRYgation interview since The Interview (2014)

Cade Stone, Staff Writer

It’s that time of the year, where we sit down and ask the questions on the school’s mind with everyone’s favorite coach, Mr. Terry.


Cade Stone: You knew I was coming. So, why didn’t you break out the fine China?

Coach Terry: This COVID, you know, we’re just really, really scared of anything China right now. So I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me using that fine China.


CS: Um, also that chair you’re sitting in is for Presidents. How dare you sit where he once sat.

CT: Okay?


CS: Are you scared of Ronald McDonald? Why or why not?

CT: I am a little scared but, at the same time, I love the guy. It’s one of those things were I love the products that he’s pushing, and so I’m willing to get past a little bit of clown fear to get some delicious nuggets or, you know, delicious burgers. But I don’t wanna get too close to the clown himself.


CS: What mascot could you beat in a fight?

CT: Wow. Wow. I think any mascot is like a suit with a giant head. I think they’re very vulnerable ’cause all you gotta do is walk up to here, turn that head around, and then start wailing on them. You know what I mean?


CS: The Sharpie™  above the library keeps calling my name like a Mayan temple. Can you help me touch it? 

CT: Negative. You don’t know all the bad things that will happen if you ever touch that thing.


CS: If touching said Sharpie™ brings upon a curse, can I blame it on you?

CT: Absolutely not. I’ve warned you. Do not touch the Sharpie™. 


CS: Have you ever been cursed?

CT: Currently.


CS: What are your thoughts on Cyber Monday?

CT: I love Cyber Monday. I love all the deals. You got to go online though of course. Don’t go to the store or that would be silly.


CS: I actually bought a drone last year on Cyber Monday. Do you want to come up to my house and fly it with me?

CT: Absolutely. That sounds like a good idea.


CS: …

CT: Wait a minute, nevermind. No. Terrible Idea.


CS: Why’s that?

CT: I don’t know.  It’s like COVID or something.


CS: You coming to that party tonight?

CT: Negative.