Shane Morehead, Staff Writer

Pets are the animals that humans love enough to give them a place in our homes and hearts. Many people have their preference in what those animals are; examples include dogs, cats, snakes, ferrets, and many more. Dogs have to be my favorite pet. They’re man’s best friend in literally every sense. They have aided people in hunts, they serve on police force and in the army, and they’re adorable in so many different ways. Dogs are more reliable and loyal than a lot of people. Dogs have so much variety because of all their different breeds. Dogs can cuddle, warn you of an intruder, take down that intruder; they’re your number two.

Cats are kind of like dog’s smarter but lamer friend. They just sleep and eat. They don’t provide companionship or protection like dogs; cats could literally watch you die. Kittens are cute and all, but they’re annoying.

Pigs shouldn’t be pets. They’re cute for a few months, and then they’re a nuisance. I’d rather have a pig in bacon form next to my eggs than in my house.

If you like snakes, there is something wrong with you. It’s not that they’re scary, they’re just so boring. You can’t cuddle with a snake, you can’t make it go fetch balls, and it doesn’t look cute. Nobody says “I saw the cutest snake today.”

Ferrets are just so cool. You instantly gain my respect if you have a trained ferret that rides on your shoulders. I used to watch videos of ferrets rolling around in packing peanuts when I was nine years old.  Ferrets are basically the cooler version of rats.

Hamsters and guinea pigs are neutral for me. They’re definitely cute, but they’re kind of gross. They seem like they make all kinds of messes.

Birds don’t seem like a pet. They’re like snakes, they’re not snuggly and cute. I don’t imagine there is much you can do with a bird. I wouldn’t know though, I’ve never had one. Birds are pleasant to look at, but not much more.

Fish are just for staring at when you’re waiting for something. It’s not like you can take it out for a walk without being labeled as insane. You can’t even touch it. It doesn’t recognize you, and you don’t recognize it either.

Pets provide companionship and/or protection; some of them do that well, and others don’t.